I really feel sorry for whoever is stupid enough to be the one who proposes to me. Because knowing me, I'll say yes to the first guy I feel I could put up with for the rest of my life. Of course I'd first pester him to make sure it isn't some cruel ass joke because I can't see anyone ever wanting to ask me that, but that's beside the point.

Point is, I have yet again started planning my wedding. I'm not engaged. I'm not in a relationship. Not even dating. I'm single as you can get without being asexual. But I can't help it. I grew up around tough girls and a lot of boys. I've never really been much a of girly girl. But then someone mentions weddings and I'm all over that shit like a kitten with catnip. Although my tastes have changed over the years, I'm still all over that shit.

When I was little I wanted a big wedding with everyone my future fiancee and I collectively knew there. A big ass dress. At the church I grew up in. Now I'll admit I'm not Catholic. But the wedding I wanted was pretty much what you'd think of when someone says 'Catholic wedding'. Minus the religious parts that only Catholics do. Because again, I'm not Catholic.

Now? Well simple. But not. Simple dress, but not too plain. With a vintage feel to it. Long sleeves? Sure, if I love the dress. Just as long as they are lace. Although my top dresses are mostly strapless, with the one exception of the long sleeve, lace dress. Outside. In the fall. Because apparently I'm the only person on earth who can go outside in 0 degree (F) weather in a tank top, basketball shorts, and boots and be comfortable, and I'd rather not everyone else be bitching because we're outside in the snow. And coats? One of the most uncomfortable outerwear pieces every made. So fall would make everyone at least somewhat happy, and little to no bitching about it being 'cold'. (FYI, 40-60 degrees is not fucking cold.) And themed. Yes themed. But not like masquerade or some shit. Vaudeville meets rustic meets vintage. Three things that I love and go together quite nicely when you know what you're doing. So simple because its not some giant BDF thing like when I was little. But not because...well...it takes a lot of extra bits and pieces for an outside wedding.

Think about it. You have to buy ALL the lights. Me? I'm thinking candles on the tables and paper lanterns strung up above. Don't ask me about lights for when the first dance and that crap happens. I haven't gotten that far. And then you have to make sure you have somewhere for everyone to park that isn't 100 miles from your location, getting furniture there for everything - usually including a 'lounge' area. You also have to remember that there is no building. No reception room or anything where there are usually some things provided by the owners. Everything that you normally don't worry too much about...you have to provide as well. So...simple. But not.

Now back to that whole I-feel-sorry-for-future-fiancee thing. Because I highly doubt weddings will come up until after the proposal that I will swear is a big fucking cruel as joke that I'll kill him for, I doubt he'll know this about me. And since I'm not ~girly, he won't expect it. At all.

So, dear future fiancee that I'll initially think is an asshole who likes playing cruel jokes, I'm sorry. For the kick in the balls that will probably happen before I cry my eyes out and jump you. And for the total batshit crazy I'll end up releasing onto you the second after I calm down and get that ring on my finger. Love, your future totally-batshit-crazy fiancee.